We’ve all been there: your phone buzzes with yet another “Hey, you free this weekend?” and your brain scrambles for something believable… or at least hilariously unbelievable. Sometimes the best way to dodge plans is with an excuse so absurd that the other person can’t help but laugh (and leave you alone).
Table of Contents
Here are 10 funny excuses for being busy that strike the perfect balance between ridiculous and relatable. Use them sparingly—once people catch on, they’ll start calling your bluff.
1. I’m training to become a professional sleeper
“I’ve got a big competition coming up. The world championships of napping are next month and I can’t afford to lose my edge. Sorry, gotta hit the pillow hard tonight.”
2. My goldfish is going through an existential crisis
“He’s been staring at the castle decoration for three days straight, whispering ‘Is this all there is?’ I need to stay home and provide emotional support 24/7.”
3. I’m on a top-secret mission for the squirrels in my backyard
“They recruited me after I left out those peanuts last week. We’re planning the Great Acorn Heist of 2026. Can’t talk about it—national security.”
4. My Wi-Fi is staging a protest
“It’s been dropping connection every five minutes like it’s on strike. I have to sit here and negotiate better bandwidth terms or we’ll all be living offline forever.”
5. I’m auditioning to be a background extra in my own life
“I finally got cast as ‘Person Sitting on Couch #3’ in the movie of my existence. Rehearsals are intense—lots of staring blankly required.”
6. I’m waiting for my invisible friend to text me back
“She’s been ghosting me since Tuesday. I don’t want to miss the moment she finally replies. You understand, right? Invisible people have feelings too.”
7. My laundry is holding me hostage
“The socks have unionized and are refusing to come out of the dryer until I give them better working conditions. Negotiations are ongoing.”
8. I’m deep in a heated argument with autocorrect
“It keeps changing my words and now we’re in a full-blown feud. I can’t leave until I win this round or my texts will never make sense again.”
9. I’m practicing for the World Procrastination Championships
“It’s a very competitive field. I’ve been putting off training for months, but today’s the day I finally start… tomorrow. Definitely tomorrow.”
10. Aliens abducted my calendar and I’m still recovering
“They beamed it up last night and returned it with random days missing. I’m trying to figure out what year it is. Send help… or pizza.”
Key Takeaways
Funny excuses work best when delivered with a straight face (or dramatic emoji flair in texts). They let you bow out gracefully while giving the other person a chuckle instead of hurt feelings. The secret sauce? Make them just believable enough that the person pauses… then bursts out laughing.
Next time someone asks if you’re free, pick one of these gems and watch the conversation take a delightful detour. Just don’t overuse them—or people might start inventing their own wild excuses to avoid you.
