Emergency departments are already overwhelmed with real medical emergencies every single day. Yet across Reddit threads, TikTok confession videos, anonymous nurse/doctor forums, and old-school urban-legend-style stories, a surprising number of people have actually walked into triage desks with the following completely fabricated complaints.
Below are 10 of the most legendary fake reasons people have tried — complete with the usual triage-nurse reaction and why these excuses almost never work.
- “My Apple Watch / Fitbit says my heart rate is 911 bpm and I’m scared it’s calling the police on me.”
What really happens: The nurse takes one look at your completely normal pulse ox reading (usually 70–100 bpm), asks you to take the watch off, sees the ridiculous number was just the time displayed in military format or a glitch, and sends you home with a polite “please don’t come back for this.”
Bonus realism: Some people have genuinely shown up waving their wrist like it’s evidence in a crime scene. - “I think I’m having a stroke… but only when I look in the mirror.”
What really happens: They do the FAST stroke screen (smile, arms up, speech test). You pass perfectly. Then they ask why you think you’re having a stroke. Answer: “Because my face looks weird in the mirror.” → Discharged in under 20 minutes with “mirror-induced anxiety” written nowhere on the chart. - “I swallowed my vape battery / AirPod / coin / Lego piece and now I can feel it vibrating / talking / glowing inside me.”
What really happens: They order an X-ray or CT anyway (because foreign bodies can be dangerous). The film shows… nothing. Or sometimes the object really is there and they have to fish it out — but 9 times out of 10 the patient dramatically claimed they “felt it moving toward my heart” when it was just sitting in the stomach. - “My horoscope / tarot reading / psychic said I would have a medical emergency today, so I came to get it over with.”
What really happens: Zero abnormal vital signs. The attending usually just says, “Well, your psychic was wrong,” and the patient leaves mildly embarrassed but still convinced the universe was trying to warn them. - “I watched 14 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy in one weekend and now I have every single disease they talked about.”
What really happens: This is so common it has its own nickname: “Grey’s Anatomy Syndrome” or “Medical Student Disease 2.0.” The doctor listens patiently, runs minimal labs (usually normal), and gives the classic line: “TV medicine is not real medicine. Go home and stop binge-watching medical shows.” - “My roommate put a curse on me after we fought over the last slice of pizza.”
What really happens: Vital signs normal. Physical exam normal. Psych eval (if they push it): no acute danger to self/others. Discharged with “no evidence of supernatural affliction” (which is how at least one chart reportedly phrased it). - “I think I’m turning into a vampire — I’m super sensitive to sunlight and I really crave red meat.”
What really happens: They check your vitamin D (low because you stay inside), hemoglobin (normal), and politely explain porphyria or just plain photosensitivity. Most patients leave after being told they probably just need more sleep and fewer energy drinks. - “My smart home assistant told me I was dying.”
What really happens: Alexa / Siri / Google said something like “Your heart rate seems elevated — consider seeing a doctor” after you sprinted up the stairs. You panic-drove to the ER. Pulse: 82. Discharged in 45 minutes. - “I ate gas-station sushi from three days ago and now my stomach is speaking in tongues.”
What really happens: You get anti-nausea meds, maybe fluids if dehydrated, but the “speaking in tongues” part is just very loud bowel sounds. Everyone knows you’re exaggerating for sympathy (and maybe free Zofran). - “I’m here because I googled my symptoms and WebMD said I have 12 hours to live.”
What really happens: This is the single most common fake-emergency complaint in modern ERs. The triage nurse usually just sighs, takes vitals (all normal), and says some version of:
“WebMD thinks everyone has cancer or is dying. You’re fine. Go home and never google symptoms again.”
Reality Check & Key Takeaways
All ten of these have been documented (with varying degrees of exaggeration) in real healthcare-worker posts, viral videos, and anonymous confession threads from 2018–2025. The pattern is almost always the same:
- Triage → normal vital signs
- Basic exam / labs / imaging → nothing acute
- Discharge in under 2 hours with eye-roll-level documentation
- Patient leaves mildly embarrassed but still tells friends “the doctors said I was fine… this time”
Moral of the story:
If you ever feel genuinely unwell — chest pain, sudden weakness, trouble breathing, severe pain, high fever with confusion, major injury — go to the ER without hesitation. That’s what it’s there for.
But if your main symptom is “my smartwatch is dramatic,” “my horoscope is ominous,” or “WebMD diagnosed me with everything,” save yourself the co-pay, the 4-hour wait, and the collective sigh of the entire night shift.
