This is the classic “men are trash” energy turned up to 11. It’s the kind of unhinged, dramatic, zero-chill list that lives in the replies of every “why are men like this” tweet. Every point is deliberately over-the-top, absurdly specific, and meant to be read with maximum eye-roll sarcasm. If you take any of this literally… that’s on you.
1. The Last Slice Thief
You will eat the last slice of pizza, look around like you’re confused why anyone is staring, and then ask “who’s still hungry?” as if the box wasn’t clearly labeled “DO NOT TOUCH – ANTONY’S”.
2. “I’m Not Reading All That” Is a Personality
You see a paragraph longer than three lines and immediately hit “k”, “bet”, or just leave the chat on read for three days. Reading comprehension left the chat in 2019.
3. Professional “K” Texters
You reply “k” to a four-sentence emotional message like you just signed a peace treaty. It’s not brevity; it’s emotional terrorism.
4. The Eternal “Soaking” Dishes Scam
Dishes sit in the sink for 72 hours “soaking” until they grow new civilizations. Then you have the audacity to ask why the kitchen smells like regret.
5. Hard-G “Gif” Warriors
You will die on the hill that it’s “jif” and then argue with actual linguists, graphic designers, and the creator of the format. The delusion is strong.
6. $400 Gaming Chair but $4 Coffee Is “Too Expensive”
You’ll drop half a paycheck on RGB everything, but when she says “let’s get coffee” suddenly you’re in a recession.
7. “You’re Overreacting” Speedrun Champion
Any emotion above neutral volume = “you’re overreacting.” You could watch her cry and still hit her with “it’s not that deep.”
8. “I’m Not Like Other Guys” Starter Pack
You say it like it’s a personality trait instead of the bare minimum. Spoiler: you’re exactly like other guys.
9. One Square of Toilet Paper Merchant
You leave literally one square on the roll like it’s a generous donation. Bro, commit or go home.
10. Three-Hour Sports Recaps vs. Five-Minute Conversation
You’ll watch an entire game recap at 2× speed but “don’t have time” to hear about her day.
11. “Make Me a Sandwich” in 2026
You still think this is comedy. It’s not. It’s just sad.
12. “Logic” as a Weapon
You call yourself “logical” while arguing using only memes, vibes, and “trust me bro.”
13. 45-Minute Food Decision Torturer
You stare at the menu like it’s the SAT, reject every suggestion, then get mad when she’s hangry.
14. “Nice Guy” Bankruptcy
You think being “nice” once in 2017 entitles you to eternal forgiveness for being emotionally unavailable and chronically unemployed.
15. Wet Towel on Bed Artist
You drape a soaking towel on the bed like it’s abstract expressionism. Then you get mad when the sheets smell like mildew.
16. 4 a.m. Gaming, 9 p.m. “I’m Tired”
You raid until sunrise but suddenly fall asleep mid-conversation at a reasonable hour.
17. “Calm Down” Translator
She raises her voice one octave and you hit her with “calm down” like you just invented de-escalation.
18. “You’re Cute When You’re Mad” Offender
You think this is charming. It’s condescending. Stop.
19. Warhammer Budget vs. Relationship Budget
$200 on plastic miniatures but “we can’t afford date night.” Make it make sense.
20. Mansplaining Degree-Holder
She has a master’s in the subject and you still explain it to her like she’s in kindergarten.
21. Sock Landmine Field
You leave socks in the middle of every walkway like you’re trying to set a new high score in tripping hazards.
22. “It’s Just a Joke” Get-Out-of-Jail-Free Card
You say something wildly offensive and then act shocked when people are offended.
23. Three-Week Ghost + 2 a.m. “wyd”
You disappear for a month then reappear like nothing happened. The audacity.
24. “I’m Bad at Texting” Excuse Factory
You’re bad at texting her but excellent at texting your boys at 3 a.m. Selective illiteracy.
25. “Drama” Accuser While Starting Drama
You call her dramatic while starting arguments over who left the light on.
26. Toothpaste Cap Hater
You leave the cap off every single time. Every. Single. Time.
27. “What Do You Want to Eat?” Saboteur
You ask the question, then veto every single option she gives. Why even ask?
28. “You’re Too Emotional” = “I’m Emotionally Constipated”
You think feelings are a character flaw. They’re not. You just don’t have any.
29. $200 Sneakers vs. $60 Therapy
You’ll buy new Jordans but say therapy is “too expensive.” Prioritize better.
30. “Why Are Women So Dramatic?” While Refusing to Read Past #3
You made it this far? Unlikely. You probably stopped at #1 and said “not all men.” Classic.
Final (slightly serious) note
This is pure satire — the same energy as “all men are trash” memes, “women ☕” jokes, or any other exaggerated gender roast.
Most people (men and women) are just trying their best and doing some annoying things sometimes.
If any of these actually describe you… maybe reflect instead of getting mad.
Or just laugh. Laughing is usually safer.
